Things You Overhear on a College Campus

[CW Merv]

So, I've been seeing many online lists of weird dialogues (mostly on Face book) that people overhear in certain places (i.e. New York City, the bus, a parking garage, the mall, etc) and I can kinda relate. Therefore, I figured I'd make a list of some of the odd stuff I've heard down here in Bloomington. I'm sure that most campuses have similarly funny situations, but some of these still make me laugh. So, here's the rundown of the best/most original/funniest:

1. A girl is walking next to me, talking to a friend on her cell-phone. She asks said friend, "I can never remember, there are 50 states, right? I mean, if Hawaii were a state, it would be the 51st, wouldn't it?" This was a college student!?

2. A guy on my floor opts to try one of those baby carrots you can buy big bags of at the supermarket. After eating it, he comments that "as much as it looked like a cocktail wiener, it didn't taste anything like it." Wow, you think?

3. Another random girl on the street was asking a guy she was with if he knew how many calories were in the average communion wafer. Red flags should probably be going up in that guy's mind.

4. An economics teacher decided that the best way to describe pessimism in the financial markets of the US was to say that the "spirit of Voldemort" had filled the investors' minds. I love Harry Potter as much as the next guy, but wow.

5. Another guy on my floor, who is coincidentally a taekwondo guru, is taking his Integrative-Core semester at the Business School next semester. The only other class he's taking is the elective Stickfighting. He claims that this will come in handy because it will give him another unique method of killing the idiots he's afraid that he will have as teammates in I-Core. I made a mental note to never tick this guy off.

6. A girl on my floor was sent a large, black, inflatable totem pole by her mother to help decorate the lounge. The base of it is circular so that the thing will stay standing, but the rest of it is cylindrical. To anyone who doesn't recognize it as a totem pole, it looks like a five-foot tall black dildo. It has become the custom in the evenings to grab the totem pole, whack someone with it, and yell, "You just got dicked!" I myself have been the victim of such 'dicking' numerous times.

7. A girl on my floor was telling me all about who she picked to win various games in the NCAA Tournament this year. She didn't know much about the teams, and at least had the presence of mind not to waste five dollars entering my pool. Though she understood how the seeding worked, she still picked Oral Roberts to make it to the Elite Eight. Her reasoning? "I had to pick them because the word 'Oral' is in the school title, of course!" That was one of those grin and bite your tongue moments for me. I've found that not saying what's on my mind has saved many friendships. Besides, letting it all out is what this Blog is all about for me. Speaking of which, I've typed a whole lot in here in one sitting, and I have an Econ Exam tomorrow I need to study for. Unless I want the killing curse performed on me tomorrow by my teacher, I better return to studying.

[Julie Sturgeon]

Proving once again why people watching (or listening) is a viable hobby. I should really find more time to hang out on a campus if it's this entertaining.

The only thing that comes close was the time this lady at Jo-Ann's was talking on her cell phone about a family who had to put their kid in rehab. It was very personal, very embarrassing to eavesdrop on and I wanted to smack that phone out of her hands.